Fuyoko Matsui

She's a good one.

Trip Planning

I'm leaving for Japan in t-minus 12 days. Holy shitpickles!

I Miss My Daddy

My 3 year old roommate says while drawing:

"I miss my daddy."
draw draw draw...

"He's in Cal-ah-for-nah."
draw draw draw...

"He broke his yoke."
draw draw draw...

I don't think a little boy has said, "broke his yoke" for at least 50 years. Where did he get that? Hanging out with hillbillies?

Summer's Best Longhand Photo Winner!

Oh, huh...What's that? Oh, just the shot of the Summer: Me and Rich Fulcher aka Bob Fossil.

And the glorious follow up dance:

Trainspotting

I took a train from Portland to Mount Vernon, WA. It's about 260 miles of some really beautious scenery. I've got the industrial trainhopping view:

And the pastoral:


They played "Some Like it Hot" with Jack Lemon, Tony Curtis and Marilyn Monroe on the train. That movie's fucking brilliant. But the real capper was overhearing the married-since-Jesus-was born couple talking about their sex life! I fer-serious always wanted to know if old married people still had sex. Mystery solved:

This scene comes on where Marilyn is throwing herself at Tony Curtis, practically eating his face. He's playing hard-to-get.


Then this lady:

Says, "She's kind of like me. I mean that's kind of like us."

And this dude:

Says complete dead-pan, "Huh, Whaddya talkin' about, Marion?"

And then she's all, "You know like me and you. I must have learned from her."
He's like, "Yeah, you must have."

WOAH!!

P.S. The man with the hipster plaid shirt on was 3-sheets trying to pick up on the wife.

Overheard Hipster Plaid Man say to the husband: "I left Belllingham when I was 18, so I don't know any Garys. I think all the Garys I know had a stroke. That was a long time ago. Guess I better get a drink. It's been a long dry day."

And the husband is all body-languaged out saying, "dude, shut the fuck up and stop trying to mack on my woman".

Old people pick up lines include:

1. Where you went to school/and or grew up
2. Who owned the properties in said surrounding areas and the development in those areas.
3. Family name and other people you know with the same last name.
4. Possible cousins you might have in common.

Dem's fightin' words, pal!

Plogging

My friend Jules and I were talking about blogging about poop. I'd sorta documented my poop online prior hoping I'd produce a "poop tube". I'd ingested an insane amount of fiber, supplements, and juice fasted all in efforts to cleanse my colon. When it got around to day 12 and there was no sign of anal plaque exiting--I'd basically abandoned the whole poop log--or "plog".

I read this article about these two guys that went to poop spa in Thailand and ended up producing a buttload of gunk with descriptions like, "10 yards of licorice-like stands" and "a marble I'd swallowed as a child". Ew, right? Well, I totals want to see if there's anything like that inside my nethers. I can't really afford to go to a resort so I decided to do it myself.

This led me to a 14 day cleanse--of which you can read the exciting conclusion here. The Dr. who supervised my cleanse had glowing comments about her preferred colon hydrotherapists, "All is Well that Ends Well". Based on the name alone, I called to schedule an appointment.

Before you knew it I was plugged into a butt-flush chair she had a pet name for, I want to say it was "Linus" or something but it looked like this:
The coolest selling point about this particular colonic chair was the viewing tube. If you sorta looked down on the floor to the left a mirror displayed all the crap coming down 3 inch diameter clear acrylic tube. All I remember thinking was, "I should chew more."

For a couple days I tried to think of how to describe what it's like to take 30 watery shits in a new age medical office with a CD of beach sounds playing. I couldn't. Paddy, the colon-lady said, "Want me to put on music? Maybe something like pooping on the beach?" It sounded silly so I agreed.

In the end, all I can conclude is there might still be some hidden strands of stubborn poop nuggets just waiting to find their way to freedom. I'll keep you posted in the next installment of my plog.

Found Magazine: Cassette from My Ex

Here is the story I wrote about a cassette from my ex on foundmagazine.com. With audio!

This Is Rad

This would be a good song.

Summer Fashion Inspiration

There's so much going on here

overdone innocence
wild child
adult party/kiddie pool
tiger eyes/baby peeps
hell on hot wheels
hot mess on cute overload
command control/sans learners permit
natural artifice
so female on the feminine spectrum it came back around and became kiddie drag--like jean bonet with better taste in clothes.

Remember these guys?

I've been listening to all my old mixes. Holy time warp, NOU rules!


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