Red Jellyfish and Strong Men

I'm on day 15 of a cleanse. Last night I felt like I was on Ecstasy riding a pegasus through the clouds. I was so freakin' delirious and out of my head like I was having an acid flashback. I also had a dream I ate an entire plate of McDonald's cheesburgers covered in nacho cheese.

Plus

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Acid flashback

I shit you not. And it's not because my body's a temple and I'm hanging out with God in it. I've taken enough acid and put enough crap into my body to poison a baby manatee, which is very sad but true. My liver is having a primal scream session inside me and spewing out all the old junk back into my blood stream. I haven't eaten anything for about 2 days. Instead I'm drinking 64 ounces of Juiceman Juice. That's how those buff dudes like Jack Lalanne and Jay Kordich live to be a hundred and five. They drink juice, tow trains with their teeth and invent new ways to do push ups.

I think they also live long because they have names like "Jack" and "Jay".

So, what does your poop look like when you've been eating only vegetable matter for 2 weeks and juice for the last two days? Answer:


The natropath who's supervising the five of us ass clowns taking part in the cleanse tells me the euphoric feeling is natural. Basically, it's the body going into panic/conservation mode. Instead of feeling like your starving (which I did feel really hungry) the body will release pleasure endorphins to counteract the hungry feeling.

I've restrained myself from coming to a conclusion about cleansing. My mind's been pretty open to the outcome. I read testimonials saying "I feel great!", Oh! I have such clarity!" "I feel rejuvinated." lalala. Fuck yeah, I want to feel all those things. But, honestly--the whole experience was way harsh. Not on my bod but my nog. It was a total mind fuck. Cleansing for me was like a rollercoaster ride of emotions, anger being the mainstay, then sadness, irritation, and frustration. A few times I felt really good, then I just felt completely insane. The doc says it's good to feel all those feelings. It means it's working.

My main motivation for doing this is to get my shit together before I go to Japan next month. I'm looking forward to polluting my body with shochu, sake, ribs, ramen, and whatever else I feel like. Food's my heartthrob. So is booze.

I love wine and all other fermented beverages alcoholic or not. The cleanse taught me I actually do have self control. I can do a bunch of stuff without drinking. Even when it's a sunny day and I'm at the beach. I don't have to give into my impulse and chug Sparks. Or I don't have to drink when I do yard work, clean the house, go out to eat, see a show, go to a bar, or unwind. The past 15 days have been amazing for teaching myself about self control.