Plogging

My friend Jules and I were talking about blogging about poop. I'd sorta documented my poop online prior hoping I'd produce a "poop tube". I'd ingested an insane amount of fiber, supplements, and juice fasted all in efforts to cleanse my colon. When it got around to day 12 and there was no sign of anal plaque exiting--I'd basically abandoned the whole poop log--or "plog".

I read this article about these two guys that went to poop spa in Thailand and ended up producing a buttload of gunk with descriptions like, "10 yards of licorice-like stands" and "a marble I'd swallowed as a child". Ew, right? Well, I totals want to see if there's anything like that inside my nethers. I can't really afford to go to a resort so I decided to do it myself.

This led me to a 14 day cleanse--of which you can read the exciting conclusion here. The Dr. who supervised my cleanse had glowing comments about her preferred colon hydrotherapists, "All is Well that Ends Well". Based on the name alone, I called to schedule an appointment.

Before you knew it I was plugged into a butt-flush chair she had a pet name for, I want to say it was "Linus" or something but it looked like this:
The coolest selling point about this particular colonic chair was the viewing tube. If you sorta looked down on the floor to the left a mirror displayed all the crap coming down 3 inch diameter clear acrylic tube. All I remember thinking was, "I should chew more."

For a couple days I tried to think of how to describe what it's like to take 30 watery shits in a new age medical office with a CD of beach sounds playing. I couldn't. Paddy, the colon-lady said, "Want me to put on music? Maybe something like pooping on the beach?" It sounded silly so I agreed.

In the end, all I can conclude is there might still be some hidden strands of stubborn poop nuggets just waiting to find their way to freedom. I'll keep you posted in the next installment of my plog.